Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Everything happens for a reason.


All my life I have followed my heart, figuratively. As you may have read before, from an early age I knew I wanted to be a dancer. I've done everything to achieve that dream. I did not think about it, I just did it: I followed my heart. 
Following my heart made me competitive as well. When I was young, together with my best friend Manouk I wanted to make the most goals during our handball games; later I loved to jump the highest during balletclass; I always tried to be the one who ran or cycled the fastest (still do, on my bike in Amsterdam), and all the time I just had to beat my male dance-colleagues with planking.
In the words of William Shakespeare: 'Though she be but little, she is fierce'.
Fierce, not to be confused with muscular. Thanks to my genes and professional dance career, I am physically in shape. Yes, I know. But to me, my health is much more important than my appearance. I take care of myself, which is what you see.
I have many friends, all over the Netherlands; all over the world. We crossed paths, connected. I love all my friends as much as I love flowers, and that's a lot! Though, sometimes it is hard to water all flowers as they are scattered across the landscape.
When meeting new people; becoming friends and falling in love I always follow my heart, my intuition. The intuition's most important role is that it alerts us to the path, people and circumstances that we will uniquely find fulfilling. The intuition is just like working a muscle: it will get stronger the more you use it. Of course one time, like every other girl who is desperately in love, I believed. My intuition was strong, I got loads of negative alerts but love was much stronger. It truly broke my heart. It hurt, and it took a while to get over it. Just today I realized that if it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love. Now I am glad I have experienced this, it is one of the life lessons which makes us stronger. 
I believe everything happens for a reason. Likewise, these heart defects suddenly emerged. As I previously followed my heart figuratively: staying strong; being a perfectionist and sometimes being strict, with myself and also with people around me. I am now trying to listen to my heart literally
With help, admittedly. About two weeks ago, I decided to stop working after my grandmother told me something that was just spot on: "Doron, you are consuming your reserves, rather than saving them". Even though I was not functioning optimally, it was a hard decision to make. Deep in my heart I knew it was time to prepare myself for the upcoming surgery.
I am quite familiar with the preparation for a dance rehearsal or performance, but an open heart surgery is all new to me. I assume that it will be a 'once in a lifetime experience'. An experience, as everything will be fine, I would never want to miss.